Nihao my Lex
by Iron Dragon Maiden
Summary: Lex traveled to China for a bodyguard and came back with an Amazon alien wife. Lex/Clark, possible OOC, Slash, hints of Femslash, crossdressing, mentions of mpreg, AU, Timeline? What Timeline?


I'm still alive. Just overwhelmed in so many different ways that it's not funny. First off, my gran died. She was 86 and lived a long life and was lucid to her last breath, but I still couldn't get over it for a while. Unemployment not only keeps you occupied trying to get a job, but it also leaves you too much time to think about too many unpleasant things. That doesn't mean I've stopped writing. It just means that I've been focusing on my original works since this way, at least, I can use the time I'm not job-hunting to do something that'll hopefully be published one day... One day.

Anyway, enough depressing thoughts. This is a bit of an experiment for me, since when I do write romance it's with established couples instead of starting ones. I guess I relied a little too much on the SV Clex. They're practically a couple on that show. I guess I could've given more Ranma 1/2 references, but this piece was more to let off steam than anything else. Especially since next to Nerima, Smallville is a harmless and boring town.

Xing means star in Chinese. I didn't use Chinese honorifics in this fic since I am only knowledgeable in Japanese ones and I didn't want to make a flub.

Thank you all for reading this piece. If anyone wants to expand this universe, by all means do so. Just send me and e-mail and give me credit as the 'verse's creator.

Enjoy

!

When Lex caved in and finally decided to get a competent personal protection officer, he didn't go through the usual channels. As many advantages the Luthor name and money boasted, they also came with a list of bloodthirsty enemies miles long.

It really didn't help that everyone, and he meant everyone, in Smallville hated his guts because he was born from his father's loins and not someone else's.

Alright, that was a false statement. Gabe Sullivan respected him and his daughter regarded Lex as though he were a headline maker, a purple frog to be dissected, and a salvation from this one pony town.

Not bad considering the Kents' "all Luthors are in league with the Devil" mantra.

Whenever he was reminded of Jonathan Kent, Lex got the uncharitable thought that it was a good thing the old couple hadn't reproduced and gotten their kid to lead a lynch mob against Lex.

Like he said, it was an uncharitable thought, but the man tried Lex's patience. He would be willing to bet LuthorCorp that if Lex were to run for Mayor of the town, Kent would do the same just to spite him.

The man wasn't even capable of taking responsibility for attempting to murder Lex and sleeping with his (conniving, evil) wife. Mind control or not, Kent had shot him. And Lex didn't forgive something like that unless the person was connected to someone he cared about.

That being the case, Lex needed someone special to guard his back from meteor mutants, perfectly sane average Joes with a vendetta, ambitious rivals, and, most dangerous of all, prospective wives (also known as Black Widows, because this threat was deadly enough to deserve capital letters). No regular guard would do.

It had to be someone loyal. Someone who wouldn't accept bribes from anyone, not even his father.

However, a bleeding heart wouldn't do either. Even someone with a too strict code of honor was a security leak.

Unlike the regular Smallville inhabitant, Lex firmly believed in Hobbes' theory regarding humanity's real nature. To paraphrase Plautus: The human being is another human's wolf, period. Only Hobbes expanded on that idea and realized the only way humans could live in harmony is if they all lived in fear of being punished severely if they stepped a toe out of line.

Rousseau's "Innocent Savage" spiel was nothing but an excuse for bottom-feeders to glorify their lack of success.

Seriously, this is why he hated anything smaller than a city. Small town, small mentality.

So, of course, Lex went somewhere completely unexpected and esoteric.

Somewhere like the Amazon village of Nǚjiézú.

It was perfect place. No one knew of him or of his last name in that little pocket of villages separate from the rest of the modern world. And, unlike the famed Musk and Phoenix tribe, the wilier Amazons were wiling to negotiate and do business with outsiders for the right price.

Lex exhaled smoothly while trekking at a fast pace at the Jusenkyo Springs. Although the scientist in him wanted to have a look at the supposed cursed springs, a year of living in Smallville had taught him that caution was the better part of valor.

He'll just send some of his father's expendable cronies to acquire some samples.

Real life subjects make for very interesting studies, if push comes to shove that is.

A scream reverberated from the north as a man with wings, of all things – Lex's inner geek started to drool – rushed to Lex's direction, clutching a purple orb the size of a woman's fist.

Members of the Phoenix tribe only took on a humanoid appearance when they dunked themselves into the Spring of Drowned Man (or Woman, if they preferred), but that was reserved for infiltration missions. The arrogant overgrown fowls wouldn't otherwise deign to grace the rest of the world with their rose-farting presences.

No one ever wanted to chance meeting a Phoenix lest they be bored to death from the pompous sob stories.

"Aiya! Is bad Mr. Customer. That member of Phoenix tribe leaving from Amazon tribe. Conflict happen if tribe members near each other!" the Jusenkyo Guide yelped.

/What's he holding?/ Lex asked.

/Looks like one of the Amazonian magic talismans,/ the guide tried to make himself as inconspicuous as an overweight man in a Chinese Communist uniform would in the middle of the mountains, /Quick! We must leave before the Amazons come and take us for conspirators!/

/You go,/ Lex said. Luthor luck was finally shining down on him. If he got that object back, irregardless if it was truly magical or a simple object of worship, he could bargain to get himself a proper Amazon guard for a good price.

/Don't even think about it, Honored Customer. The Phoenix kill all who stand in their way./

Another cry reverberated the area, this one of a warlike nature. It was in Chinese but it was a dialect Lex wasn't familiar with, however, he didn't need to be a linguist to guess those phrases meant something along the lines of "Get back here you spineless nut-gurgling bastard!"

The girl chasing the Phoenix was truly a sight to see. Even at the distance, Lex could tell that she took "Amazonian" to new heights with her six foot plus stature. Black hair cropped short with a blue peony keeping stray curls from hitting her green eyes. Although she didn't sport much of a bust, the wispy iron-cloth outfit did nothing to hide the flexing muscles in her limbs.

Lex had found the perfect bodyguard.

It wasn't because of her looks, as the viewers would be lead to believe. It was because the young Amazon was currently jumping at least ten feet into the air, slashing a huge zanmadao at the Phoenix's unprotected legs, and throwing boulders at it as soon as she touched terra firma.

The guide, honor-bound to stay with Lex, tried to beseech Lex's survival instincts, /Honored Customer, please! At this rate, one of them is going to fall into one of the springs and there'll be all out war and we do not want to get involved, at all!/

He really didn't want to move because of another tribal war. He had a good business set up here. But, hazards of the job. Knowing those violent maniacs, it'll all blow over in a month or so.

Hence why Lex Luthor needed to survive and pay him for the tour.

/Really? All the better./

Lex drew the Beretta he was allowed to keep thanks to a few dollar-palmed handshakes. He did exactly what any urbanized human would do in the face of mythical creatures standing in the way of his goal. He took careful aim and fired at the right wing, forcing the Phoenix to lose altitude.

What? He wasn't about to kill someone's enemy in front of their noses. That'd just be rude.

The Amazon pressed her advantage and slammed the long hilt of her blade on the birdman's arm and snatched the orb while kicking him to the ground.

She landed nimbly on her feet while the Phoenix groaned from the crater his body had created. She slammed the blunt edge of her cavalry sword on his stomach, efficiently knocking him out.

Other Amazons jumped from the woodwork, their bloodlust singing in every pore… only to kick the ground in disappointment at the sight of their fallen enemy. Blast those rules of treating all prisoners, even nasty birdbrains, right.

The towering Amazon left her sisters to tie up their common foe and walked up to Lex as soon as she gave the orb to another warrior. She said something in her native tongue, something about gratitude on behalf of the tribe if Lex guessed correctly.

Her voice was rather deep for a woman but it was pleasant now that it wasn't shouting death threats.

/Pardon me,/ Lex left out words like "madam" or "my good lady" just in case the proud warrior before him took offence, /But the only Chinese I am passably competent at is Mandarin./

She looked surprised for a moment but recovered quickly enough, /Finally, a foreigner that at least knows some Chinese./

/You don't by any chance have a pet panda, would you?/ she looked around suspiciously.

Lex blinked. Pet panda? /Not at the present moment no./

/Good,/ she smiled, dimples appearing in her cheeks, /at least we can avoid another tournament banquet fiasco./

The guide shuddered, remembering the two cursed martial artists eating Champion Xian Pu's prize. He hoped the poor boy-girl got a swift death from the enraged warrior.

There was nothing more terrifying than receiving the Kiss of Death from an Amazon. When they say they'll chase you around the world to kill you, they mean it.

Although, he wondered if maybe it would change into a Kiss of Life if Xian Pu discovered that the busty redhead was actually a cursed boy.

/As I was saying,/ she continued, /On behalf of my tribe, I thank you for your assistance./

/It was my pleasure. Thieves are an unpleasant prospect no matter where the crime occurs./

/May I know the surname of he who helped our tribe?/

/My name is Luthor Lex,/ he noted that there was no particular recognition in her face at the mention of his name. He bowed, not high enough to insult her but not too low to humble himself, /A pleasure to meet you./

/I am Xing,/ she bowed, /If there is anything we can do to repay your kindness, consider it done./

Her eyes held no guile, no calculation, just simple appreciation and curiosity at the expensively dressed bald man before her.

Well what do you know? Maybe Fate decided that Lex deserved a break after what Desiree put him through.

/I have come here to offer an honorable proposition to the Nǚjiézú Amazons,/ Lex said, keeping a strong emphasis on "honor." The guide had told him that personal honor held high stock among the women (and the rare man) of Nǚjiézú village.

Xing listened.

/I am commencing in my duties as the Luthor heir by taking control of one of my father's companies. The problem is that my father has made many enemies, enemies that have no problems in trying to kill me to acquire our riches or to weaken us./

Not completely true, but the world functioned as peacefully as it did because of lies and omissions and forgetfulness.

/While I can defend myself well enough, I cannot run a company properly if I can't trust that my own protectors will not to betray me for the right amount of coins. As such, I have come here to find someone who can be my sword and shield, someone who will not betray my trust./

Since he _had_ deterred one of the Amazons' arch nemeses from pilfering a valued item, he could have an Amazon bodyguard as a repayment. He could… but if he had the chance to have the powerful tribe in his debt, why would he be stupid enough to bypass that one-in-a-million opportunity?

/In return for such a boon, I am prepared to defend the Amazons of Nǚjiézú from any force. Be it the Musk tribe, the Phoenix tribe, or the People's Republic of China should the occasion arise. Whoever the tribe's enemies should be, my aid will be freely given./

There, archaically worded without promising the impossible. The Musk and the Phoenix might be much more powerful and disciplined than the average meteor mutant, but Lex had yet to meet a problem that couldn't be resolved with the right amount of C4 and logistics.

The Chinese government was a trickier complication if someone decided to cause problems. Lex was confident a nice little chat with the right person would impede any difficulties.

Fate wouldn't allow this business meeting adjourn that easily.

/Our sword and shield?/ Xing whispered. Her full lips parted as she stared down at Lex, /If that is your oath, I too vow to be your sword and shield./

Xing kissed him.

!

Lionel Luthor laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed some more.

Lex's eyebrow ticked with repressed homicidal tendencies. He should have known he wouldn't find any sympathy from his father.

But at least the man could have kept the infamous Luthor poker face until they'd disconnected from their video call.

[Well Lex,] Lionel wheezed in a rough Scottish dialect the Luthor men only used in cases of extreme private correspondence, [Look at it this way, at least this one isn't a Black Widow, yet.]

[For the last time, Desiree drugged me with her meteor enhanced pheromones,] Lex said.

[And this time you didn't even intend to marry,] Lionel said, [Congratulations, son, you've finally found the perfect PPO. Even I wouldn't dare go against an Amazon wife.]

[You didn't know that there are other ways of earning an Amazon's hand aside from beating one in combat,] Lex snarled.

/Airen./ At Xing's soft term of endearment, Lionel let out another chuckle, /Have fun, Lex. Do refrain from breaking anything important. Nuptial injuries aren't a good enough excuse to slack off./

Lex wanted to kill his father. Frowned upon or not, patricide sounded better as the days passed.

/Pity,/ Lex said, / I was looking forward to a longer stay./

If only to spite the old man.

/Duty calls,/ Xing said, large hands rubbing his shoulders and a too wide smile directed at her new father-in-law, /Seems we're only allowed to go through half the positions of the Kama Sutra./

To Lionel's credit, he didn't sputter as many others would have. He did smirk and end the call with another reminder that the crap factory was a waste of space and if Lex insisted on keeping it, could he at least hire qualified professionals?

Lex turned and noticed that Xing's face resembled a splattered tomato over tanned skin.

/Um, in spite of my bravado, there are two things I should confess./

/You're a virgin?/ Lex asked.

Not that it would be a problem, not at all. Xing was a lovely girl, elegant with a bit of a masculine musculature. If they had met at some random club in Metropolis, Lex was sure he would have given her a second, third, and fourth look.

Becoming her first filled him with territorial pride and did nothing to dissuade his libido.

Xing flushed and shifted, working wonders on Lex's libido, /I'm only fifteen! And I've only ever been interested in becoming the best warrior for my tribe./

Fifteen? Fifteen! Bugger. A six year difference might not mean much to two people in their twenties but according to American law? Jailbait much?

/I realize that I am inexperienced so, please, be kind…/

And of course Lex junior wasn't listening to the moral dilemma happening in his brain. Xing was too sensual without even trying.

What had that poor girl done to get a husband like Lex?

/And the other thing—/

There's more?

/Despite what you will discover tonight, be assured that there is no difference between myself and any other girl on the inside. I can bear a child just as any other woman can./

Oh, was that all? Maybe the girl was self-conscious about a scar near the womb.

/It's not a problem Xing, in fact, we are both too young to have children now./

/It's not that,/ Xing said, bunching up her robe in preparation to take it off.

/No, really, it's not trouble at all. And as you said, you're fifteen and a virgin to boot. There's no need to rush. We can wait—/

Lex felt his jaw muscles loosening but he kept himself from gaping out of sheer willpower alone.

Xing had a very beautiful sculpted chest and a generously sized penis.

!

"Oh no, no, no, no, this is too much! I can accept the dresses, I can accept the flowers, Flu'ok I can even accept your loyalty to those harpies. But Kal-El, you will not be the one who mothers the next generation of Kryptonians. I forbid it!" Jor-El's image roared, fingers twitching as though he would strangle someone if he were alive, solid, and could move three meters away from the space ship that projected his image. Why, oh why had he chosen to learn English of all the Earth languages? It had to be the one with the least colorful vocabulary out of all of them. Even the French could curse someone out without repeating themselves after four or five insults.

"Forbid how?" Elder Ku Long asked, "I am very curious to see how you would accomplish such a feat."

"Come on opu," Xing, or rather Kal-El, pleaded with his dead father, "There is no difference between fathering and mothering, ymu told me so herself."

Well, Lex thought distantly, at least I won't have to teach Xing English.

The human mind can cope with a lot of shit if given enough time and incentive.

Jor-El purpled and swore to have another talk with the image projection of his wife. He hadn't escaped the tyrannical iron-fist of his mother and sisters only for this to happen.

Lara Lor-Van groaned when her husband, yet again, threw another tantrum. Even after death, he still wouldn't leave her in peace. Lara knew she should've rethought vowing not parting even after death on her wedding night.

Another thing to warn little Kalin against.

"So," Lex was very proud of himself for sounding almost normal, "Xing is an alien, a Kryptonian to be precise," he received a nod from his father-in-law for the acknowledgement, "Meaning that irrespective of possessing a male mammalian reproductive system, he is also in possession of a womb and his anus can likewise serve as a birthing canal?"

"That is correct son-in-law," Elder Ku Long said, "And when you do reproduce, keep in mind that he will lay eggs in eight months instead of birthing a fully developed babe. In Krypton, an egg would crack after four weeks of nesting. Since you are a human, radiated by the meteors you might be, there is a possibility in a change in the timeline."

"Excuse me but who is the Kryptonian scientist here?" Jor-El said.

"Forgive me, I hadn't realized you finished sulking."

Lex wondered if the normal reaction of fear or hysteria were on par with survival instincts. Neither Jor-El nor the village Elder were the type to tolerate foolish decisions and reactions caused by a "freak out."

It was just as well. Lex was too busy drooling at the prospects to feel even a hint of apprehension.

He made contact with extraterrestrials. He was married to an extraterrestrial!

"Er, sorry about that," Xing mumbled, "Opu is always complaining about something. Guess he's disappointed I decided to become the best warrior in the world only to test my limits and no extra agenda. He kinda wanted me to invade Earth since our home blew up."

Lex noted the insecure body language underneath the armor and the weapons.

Alien or not, a fifteen-year-old was still an insecure teenager.

"Oh good. That means you have practice dealing with megalomaniacal fathers."

"Ah, yes, I knew I forgot something," Ku Long said, "Son-in-law, Xing's, and any member of the El clan's, secret has remained so thanks to hiding it among other trees. Amazons are very, very loyal to one another. Should anyone with unsavory intentions, shall we say, gain and use this information in a manner that endangers Xing, know that said individual risks the wrath of an entire tribe of warriors following him to the gates of hell."

Jor-El snorted, "Don't think that a few explosions will destroy this village. If nothing else, the harpies are loyal and I can't have anything happen to Kal-El's future minions."

"For the last time, opu," Xing said, "I'm not going to conquer the planet. I'm perfectly happy reaching new heights for pride's sake."

"You couldn't have chosen a wanderer?" Jor-El demanded, "You were a shoe-in for War Mistress and now you have to leave because your mate is a businessman."

"Opu, it's my decision. You know I've always wanted to see the world. It's not like the idiot animals and birdbrains will wage war while I'm gone."

Jor-El couldn't get another word edge-wise courtesy of Lara hitting him over the head.

"Jor, shut up and let Kalin make his own decisions," Lara scowled, "You always hated it when your mother planned your life for you and I refuse to let you turn into her."

"What—"

"Have a safe trip Kalin," Lara smiled, "Don't forget your poor old parents and visit. Preferably with grandchildren in tow!"

"Ymu!"

Lex was still drooling.

He married the prettier, crossdressing version of Warrior Angel!

!

Contrary to popular misconception, the male Nǚjiézú Amazons weren't considered second class citizens.

Living near Jusenkyo affected more than traveling possibilities, tribal penalties, and children's stories. Nǚjiézú village was geographically close to the Spring of Drowned Girl, and while the village's fresh water supply never came in contact with the cursed liquid, the magic did affect the warrior tribe.

Boys were scarce. Literally. If eighteen pregnant Amazons gave birth at the same time, only one of them would have a son. Boys were a commodity. They were bloody sacred.

The Nǚjiézú, unlike the Themyscirians or the Bana-Mighdall, became Amazons by accident.

What? When there was an overabundance of girls and hardly any sons, to keep the tribe alive, who would be sent to battle: the daughters or the sons?

The sons were locked up at home, kept safe, and encouraged to reproduce as quickly as possible before some idiot enemy tried to kill them.

It was only in the 20th century when the wise elders of the tribe – read: Elder Ku Long manipulated and brow-beat them – decided to marry their warriors to outsider men that weren't necessarily martial artists themselves.

So came the birth of the "Grateful Kiss of Life." Otherwise known as Plan B.

The younger warriors called it "Marriage for Favor."

"It's not that much of a surprise I got married this way," Xing said, "The only person who ever beat me was Princess Diana and she's powerful even for a Themyscirian."

"But as a… hermaphrodite," Lex said, "Shouldn't you be married to her?"

Whatever stopped such a union, Lex promised to repay it.

"The Kisses of Death and Life are void on other Amazons. The former due to a peace treaty and the latter because of philosophical differences, whatever that means," Xing said, "Besides, no one with a penis is allowed on Themyscira and some of Princess Diana's sisters are man-haters on pure principle. So it's really for the best."

Lex knew there was more to the story but Amazons didn't rat out other Amazons, not without eons of bad blood between two tribes and the possibility of destroying the other tribe themselves. Lex could respect that.

"What of the Princess herself?" Lex asked, already making backup plans in case a bloodthirsty rival popped out of the woodwork.

"She's a great friend and sister-in-arms!" Xing smiled, "The count is now at 51 to 49 in her favor but I'll turn it around soon enough."

"51 to 49?"

"It took me a long time to convince Great-Grandmother to let me use my gifts for the tribe's protection," Xing scowled, "I even disguised myself as a warrior just to prove myself. Diana's had a head start."

Enrique, to his credit, only had a minor twitch while serving them some Perrier.

It was a good thing the pilot couldn't hear a thing from the cockpit. Not everyone had Enrique's sangfroid.

"Jor-El didn't train you?"

Xing rolled his eyes, "Opu? No matter what he says about conquer this and invade that, he's much more interested in a new generation of Kryptonians on Earth. _This_," he pointed to himself and the zanmadao strapped to his back, "is all thanks to ymu and sister Xian Pu. Brother Mu Tzu too, in a way, since he kept the Elders distracted with his hijinks."

"That is another matter I wanted to speak to you about."

"I am your sword and shield, Airen," Xing said sternly, "I refuse to be coddled."

"No, not about that. I meant about your identity. As you know, the Kiss of Life is not legally registered as a marriage anywhere outside of Jusenkyo. Likewise, homosexual marriage is illegal in Kansas."

Xing gave him a suspicious glare, folding his arms bellow his ribcage instead of in front of his chest as most men did. The cerulean body-hugging armor blended with the softer blue of his feminine Chinese shirt and training pants. The loose pants and the azure puffy skirt hid his generous equipment. The metal cuffs took attention away from his wide wrists and the close-fitting high collar of his shirt covered his Adam's apple.

"Woman or man, there's no difference," Xing said, "But, I've gotten used to dressing like a woman… and I like it."

Xing whispered the last part. But really, he was an alien. It wasn't as though normal, whatever that was, applied to him.

"Normal is just large numbers in statistics," Lex said. He was rewarded with smile bright enough to light up the entire jet.

Good thing that Xing was a unisexual name.

Xing Luthor had a nice ring to it.

!

To say that Smallville was a gossip whore was an understatement.

Everyone and their mother knew about Lex's new Chinese bride. Likewise, everyone and their mother expressed their opinion on the matter as though they were of any value.

Eligible girls and the mothers of said girls all had backhanded compliments ready in the wings. Particularly about Xing's height, almost European features, neutral accent, rural lifestyle (even by Smallville standards), and possible hidden gold digging tendencies.

They were just as bad as the socialite moms and their debutante daughters.

Meanwhile the men all wondered how Lex had tricked the poor girl into marrying him.

The only residents that didn't make much of a fuss were Greg "Bug Boy" Atkins and Sasha "Queen Bee" Woodward. Their internal turf war mattered much more to them than Luthor Marriage # 2. Tina Greer used it as a tool to get closer to her object of obsession and Alicia Baker remained aloof of everything in town.

Thankfully, no one commented on Xing's age, assuming that "she" was close to Lex's age due to her implausibly tall stature and the air of maturity every warrior carried like a cloak.

Xing was an adult and treated accordingly… by Nǚjiézú law.

And really, who could say what year Kal-El was born with one hundred percent certainty? Krypton was light years away from Earth and the spaceship had put baby Kal on temporal stasis. For all anyone knew, Xing could be older than Lex.

So if Lex's people had identification documents claim that Xing was two years younger than him, who could dispute it? The Amazons wouldn't talk and they didn't have that sort of documentation at the tribe.

Problem solved.

At least for now.

Even so, Xing had to take a few tests, namely the SATs and a few APs to get accepted to MetU, but thankfully he had enough standardized tests from the People's Republic of China to have acquired a secondary education diploma.

The Nǚjiézú were traditionalists and trigger-happy, not stupid.

On the off chance that someone in the tribe wanted to pursue higher education, every child bellow eighteen was required to take exams and courses in Meishan City. Xing had wanted to get it all over with fast and had graduated early.

/I told you, I wanted to become the Amazon Champion at least once,/ Xing said, /The competition's tight enough with only training and the village's crops to worry about. Don't see why I needed academics to get in the way./

/I thought Themyscira and Bana-Mighdall had a cold war going on,/ Lex sipped his coffee. The word coffee was too generous, as the Beanery, like all non-urban American coffee shops, only produced glorified dirty water only pigs enjoyed. No offence meant to the pigs' palates.

Lex kept the disgusted grimace off his face out of sheer good manners alone.

Good thing that it was Alicia Baker's coffee on the cup. At least hers was passable by Starbucks' standards. Anything remotely culinary that Lana Lang touched became inedible.

/Sort of. And guess who has to play the referee?/

Lex winced in sympathy. That was a fate he wouldn't wish on his father… for the most part. If the old man tried any of his old tricks again, Lex was certain he would change his tune.

/So the Themyscirian Princess is the current champion./

She had to be. Who else could go toe to toe with someone who could bench-press a train on a whim?

/It's a bit more complicated than that. See, we might love the opportunity to thumb our noses and go nyah-nyah we're the best, but we don't want it while two groups of idiots are destroying the world over philosophical differences./

Lex opened his mouth, then shut it with a click. He only met one Bana in his lifetime and she was the type of woman who would gut a man alive for looking at her the wrong way.

/Makes sense,/ Lex said, /So the Nǚjiézú and the Themyscirians have one tournament and the Bana have a separate one with your tribe./

/Yeah,/ Xing nodded, pouting over his adequate-by-New-Yorker-standards tea, /I wasn't allowed to participate in the one against the Bana./

/How come?/

/They have Kryptonite weapons and it's allowed. Great-grandmother and opu and ymu refuse to let me compete until I can withstand more than a pound's worth of the demon-infested rocks./ Xing smiled at Zoë Garfield when the girl refilled his tea with hot water from the recently warmed kettle. One of these days, he'd have to teach the waitresses of this joint to brew proper tea, with real leaves and no plastic teabags.

For one, the paper cups for the staying customers had to go. It was wasteful and any beverage inside the monstrosities lost its flavor to the papery taste.

So this was the progress he'd heard so much about. Hah! Yeah, right, and Pink and Link were harmless and meek.

Lex had reassured him that Smallville was a bad example but Xing was withholding his judgment until he was proven wrong by the Metropolis Lex was so fond of.

"So this is where the odd couple hangs," Chloe Sullivan bulldozed her way to the married couple's table with all of the subtlety of a steamroller. Lex wondered for the nth time what kind of person her mother must have been; Gabe was the very embodiment of tact and efficiency, the latter attribute his daughter had in spades.

Not for the first time, Lex mourned the loss of a bright soul to the vulture nest that was journalism.

"As nice as it is, remaining cooped up at the mansion is not healthy behavior," Xing said, "Are you also taking the SAT this Thursday morning?"

Chloe frowned at the proverbial sidestep. She, like everyone else in the small town, was frustrated at how little Xing revealed about herself. She was almost a harder nut to crack than Lex.

Chloe was determined to learn the truth.

"Yeah," Chloe said, "If nothing else I'll get to miss chemistry and PE."

"Best to get unpleasant ordeals over with early, Miss Sullivan," Lex said.

"So what are you both going to do when Xing here goes to college?" Chloe pressed, "I mean, this year you'll be applying and staying here is the most convenient choice but what happens if you get accepted somewhere out of state?"

"If I could predict the future, I'd have won the lottery by now," Xing smiled.

Lex decided, then and there, that there was no way he was ever divorcing his lovely alien.

"But still, isn't the marriage a little too young and fragile to try out the whole long distance thing?"

Xing frowned, reading something between the lines that he didn't like and that he was denying were there. Surely Chloe wasn't indecent enough to imply he'd be disloyal to his Airen.

"Why Miss Sullivan, I didn't know you switched from paranormal investigation to tabloid articles," Lex drawled.

"They make the front page," Chloe said.

"More than the boys that died of old age?" Xing asked.

"Okay, okay. So I don't have a lead for that… even if it would give me an edge. But I've got to keep my skills sharp."

And so the afternoon continued with Chloe pursuing Lex and Xing for an interview and the couple dodging one. They'd gotten too used to her and Lex considered it a small blessing. Fanatic though Chloe might be, she didn't have the sharpened daggers targeted for her victims' backs that seasoned reporters possessed. If nothing else, she was good practice for when Lex finally came back to Metropolis.

He would, one way or another. If he had to create LexCorp or trick his dad into making him manage a factory in the city, then he would.

Granted, Xing now made his stay at Smallville easier.

It was hard being the town's anathema without someone actively in your corner.

Lex and Xing returned to the mansion amidst the usual whispers and frustrated murmurs when no new information was learned.

!

Chrissy Parker was the sort of person that remained under the radar even in a small town where everyone lived in everyone's pocket.

And that was why Lex was wary and wouldn't come within a five mile radius of her without an armed escort.

How could a transfer student who lived alone and was second in command of the cheerleaders remain a big unknown?

So, of course, as Murphy would have it, Miss Parker was in the same classroom as Xing on the day of the SAT exams.

Lex didn't believe in coincidence, only in planned opportunities.

So if he went to Smallville High with a pistol strapped to his back, a knife hidden on his left leg, and garroting wire attached to his watch, it was all out of self-preservation.

Xing met him at the parking lot, eager to leave the stuffy classroom and the jeering students. Lex could only sigh in relief that they could leave the Hellmouth before another moody teenager made yet another mess of things with meteor-induced powers.

He thought too soon.

Chrissy Parker was right behind Xing, eyes firmly glued on Lex and his Porsche.

"Airen!" Xing glomped Lex, sending them both crashing on the soft leather interior. Lex wrapped his arms around his wife (or was it husband? He was never too sure).

Chrissy didn't come near them but she was there. Something about her set Lex's teeth on edge. /Airen, we should sleep together tonight./ Xing rubbed his head over Lex's neck.

Lex choked. His imagination and abstinence teamed up to force his hand. He so wanted to break the promise he made to himself, the promise not to touch a single hair on Xing's head until he was finally away from the jailbait lines, but this was too much.

/Xing, we can't. You're still only fifteen—/

/That doesn't mean I am not qualified! I can take care of you./

He was a bad man, a very bad man.

/It wouldn't be right—/

/I'm yours, you're mine, right or wrong doesn't matter./

Straight to hell.

/Xing—/

/This way, if the crone in maiden's flesh tries anything, I can protect you,/ Xing said with such guilelessness that Lex felt like a dirty old man for thinking of him tied up in bed.

A flash from a portable phone snapped them out of their debate. Chloe Sullivan grinned, "Thanks for the photo op!"

Lex banged his head against the seat, Xing still cuddled up to his chest.

!

Chrissy Parker was a firm believer in taking what you wanted. If that caused other people problems, life was unfair anyway. Just in case, always have a believable sob story in mind if captured. People who didn't have to struggle just to breathe another day were softhearted like that.

People believed what they wanted to believe. They were too lazy to look underneath. That was why she was capable of living outside of scrutiny, to murder with impunity.

It was almost sad, how people like Lex Luthor became pariahs over something as silly as a promiscuous sex-life and a turbulent relationship with his father while real monsters walked scot-free so long as they looked normal.

So, of course, Lex was a perfect sacrificial lamb. Not only would his death be overlooked unless if daddy pressed for an investigation, but the media would pin it all on his wife after the Desiree Atkins scandal. As a plus, he was another meteor mutant, one whose mutation regenerated cells at light-speed. She could win more than a decade if she kissed him.

Chrissy made quick work of the abysmal Luthor security. Four decades more and she walked to his bedroom calm as can be.

So of course she wasn't prepared for the chair that sent her flying the second she opened Lex's bedroom.

Xing held on to the broken pieces of said chair while standing guard over the very conscious, very conflicted, but mostly pissed off Lex.

"Miss Parker," Lex smiled, "Not to insult your profession as a second-rate succubus, but I happen to despise Black Widows and similar archetypes. It's something of an acquired prejudice."

Xing snorted, "At least she could put out before killing the poor guys. One kiss isn't worth the rest of your life."

Chrissy scrambled back and tried to look for a hasty exit but Xing blocked one while Lex stood in front of another with a gun pointing at Chrissy's head. His eyes were cold, dispassionate enough that he could pull the trigger without losing even a wink of sleep as a consequence. It was rare, she met many a sadistic man that took pleasure in beating women, but people that could kill without feeling were dangerous. They couldn't be manipulated with their own emotions or sick desires. Chrissy hated people like that. They didn't do what they were supposed to, they didn't want to serve her like others. She hated not getting her due.

"Crone," Xing said, an ominous battle aura behind him and his flowing nightgown fluttering with the breeze, "You have two choices. Leave Airen alone and your life will be spared or I'll destroy you."

"He's just using you," Chrissy said, putting as much pitiful soppiness into her voice as she could without sounding melodramatic, "He's just like every other man in this cold, cruel world. Why shouldn't I take their lives? They do worse; they take our spirits, our rights—"

"Stop trying to use feminist rhetoric to justify mass murder," Lex said, "Not only are you trying to trivialize what you've done but you're insulting the real feminists."

"This is why I can't stand outsider girls," Xing said, "They too weak."

Chrissy bumped into a statue, grabbed it and chucked it at Lex, believing him to be the strongest one in the room. Lex ducked and Xing outside crescent kicked her to the wall, grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her to the ground hard enough to crack the floor.

That wasn't the only thing that cracked.

Chrissy might be an extremely active woman for her real age, but Father Time doesn't forgive cheaters. Her old lady bones cracked under the pressure and her brain hemorrhaged. Thanks to that tiny biochemical change, her body also changed, her previous beauty pageant youth aged and wrinkled.

Chrissy didn't have time to scream before death took her.

Lex and Xing looked at each other and at the corpse.

Lex took aim and shot two rounds at Chrissy's skull. Just in case.

Xing jumped at the sound, feeling strange at his first human kill. Guilt gnawed at him, which was ridiculous since he'd been taking lives since he was taught to hunt for food and protect the village.

"She was going to kill me and make it look like you did it," Lex said. He hesitated but proceeded to put a comforting arm around his alien. "Look, there are three ways of seeing this. Number one: She was an evil old crone who killed boys barely in their teens. Clearly, you did the world a favor. Number two: She may have looked young on the outside but she was old on the inside. The Kryptonite gave her enough energy to pass off as a teenager, but that was it… clearly she made a stupid wish about remaining beautiful instead of young like any other sensible person would do. Therefore, she could have easily died from her own stupidity if the Crows cheerleaders ever decided to do something as risky as a cartwheel. And finally, my favorite option is Number three: She was going to attack us and she paid the price. Otherwise, we'd be worse off."

Xing had relaxed gradually until he was leaning on Lex's shoulder. "Xie xie Airen."

Lex smiled back.

/Say, Lex. Ever since I've been thinking about… you know, adult matters… I've been able to shoot fire from my eyes,/ Xing flushed, /Do you think there's a place we could burn her corpse? Although, I'll need practice since I'm not so good at control./

Straight. To. Hell.

!

Chrissy Parker's disappearance was the only thing about her that anyone bothered to look into. Lex had figured as such and he thanked his higher IQ and paranoia for having all the "killer meteor mutants" contingency plans at hand.

It was so simple that Lex felt like boasting at the end result. He got a newbie Playboy Bunny with similar features to the deceased to change her name to Chrissy Parker. Likewise, he arranged for said girl to appear on the April issue as the main centerfold. The previously named Christi Hoover was delighted to do something so simple for a chance to shine (and make more bucks). An extra identity always helped in this business, especially one that had a sob story.

Teenage boys being what they are, it didn't take long for the entire town to "discover" what had happened to the missing cheerleader.

The cheerleading squad took a huge blow, particularly team leader Lana Lang. There was speculation about stereotypical cheerleader behavior and whether the sport, if it could be called a sport at that, encouraged deviant behavior in return for the football-players' attention.

Chloe Sullivan, of course, took great delight in writing an article on cheerleading, beauty pageants, surgery, and pornography. Because Chrissy didn't have any friends and no one knew what she was like except for some hazy impression, smalltown folks being what they are, they projected what they thought about her instead of what they knew.

To her credit, Chloe kept opinions and facts separated, namely those that she got from the same people who used to boast about how Chrissy was one of the "good girls." Xing breathed a sigh of relief when Lex showed him the newly christened Chrissy's biography. Christi Hoover was another person. Meanwhile, her stage persona had Chrissy Parker's fake life story only a bit more elaborated.

Born in Suicide Slums to a hooker who was too green to get an illegal abortion. Emancipated at age 14. Hooked her way into buying a modest house at Smallville. Left to live in Smallville at age 16 and made money with her homemade porn with non-Smallville men. Left for the Playboy Mansion when it became too risky to continue independent online pornography.

It was perfect. It explained why Chrissy was a loner and never talked about herself. It also filled the gaps enough for a rookie reporter to take it at face value. A more veteran journalist might instinctively realize there was something fishy about Chrissy's decisions, particularly the one about going to live in Smallville, but Chloe was not jaded enough and didn't have any experience on life in the streets and prostitution to suspect something.

The beauty of it was that no veteran reporter would care about a (faux) smalltown girl turning into a Playboy Bunny.

Everything Chloe investigated checked out with the official story Lex had prepared. It should have, Lex had paid Mrs. Eliza Norman good money for the solid background story. She'd even gone so far as to forge a delinquency permanent record.

/Wow,/ Xing said, /Who would've thought a pianist's wife would be able to do this?/

/Amazing isn't it,/ Lex said, /Revenge can be the mother of creation just as much as necessity./

/Revenge?/

/Yeah. One of her husband's students killed her son. Apparently, the asshole had a problem with not being nominated by his teacher for some conservatory or another. He was convicted, but all the same the damage was done. Mr. Norman committed suicide as he considered himself to blame for his son's death. So when that man got out of prison, Mrs. Norman tried to hunt him down to punish him herself. He changed his name and hid himself so well that Mrs. Norman had to learn forgery and other… shall we say grey areas in the law, just to find him./

/Did she?/

/No, I did,/ Lex chuckled, /It was an accident of course. He was so narcissistic that he considered everyone who contributed to his imprisonment to be at fault. He obsessed over the progeny of the jury that convicted him. So when he acquired Kryptonite, he somehow de-aged himself. Naturally, no one recognized him./

/Who did he attack?/

Lex tilted his head to the counter. Zoë was letting the kettle boil while reading instructions on how to make tea using leaves.

/No!/

/I know. I just trained her into making acceptable espresso. I wasn't about to let her die./

/So you killed him?/ Xing asked, bloodlust leaking at the though of the only person in towns who was willing to cook meals not-marinated-in-grease dying. It was unacceptable.

/No, I was about to dissect him alive and use his body for research, but Mrs. Norman and I found each other first. Last I checked, he's still alive and wishing he wasn't./

/So you can use him to further Project Cadmus when she's done with him?/

/Yes./

Xing kissed his cheek and smiled. Lex was easy to understand if you learned to speak his language. He hated any bastard that attacked children over something the parents did or didn't do. Whoever said he had no empathy was a liar.

There was a cup slamming a table with too much force. Amy Palmer watched Lex and his damned wife sitting at _their_ table all cozy and comfortable. That hurt the most. With Desiree, there was an explosion of sexuality between Lex and Black Widow # 1. But that was it, there was no real intimacy that had nothing to do with carnal passions.

It had given Amy hope that Lex would look at her when he realized that there was nothing supporting his relationship with that bitch.

It was the perfect, fairytale setting. Married rich man unsatisfied with the glitter of wealth meets smalltown girl with a heart of gold™.

Let's not forget how her personality would thaw his icy heart and he'd divorce the bitch that was standing in the way of true love and they'd marry and live happily ever after.

Xing took those crystal dreams and shattered them.

Alicia gave Amy an annoyed glare and took the paper cup away after wiping the mess. She _accidentally_ tripped over Amy's bag and spilled its contents on the floor while rushing to serve another customer. For some odd reason, Alicia was one of Xing's most ardent supporters.

Amy huffed and picked up her fallen schoolwork and make-up bag.

Lana gave her a sympathetic look but Amy beat a hasty escape so as to not get trapped into another "yes, I feel for your pain, it makes me think about my own loss, about how my parents died on me and how no one could ever replace them, Nell is just there for the bills."

Lana had gotten insufferable since Whitney Fordman and his buddies died in some electric freak accident. As if she wasn't already untouchable thanks to the press over her parent's Tragic Deaths©.

Really, you'd think she was the only orphan in Smallville. Or the only one who lost a parent.

Chloe bounced to the Beanery and ordered her coffee with a sunny smile.

"Congratulations," Xing said before Chloe opened her mouth.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Miss Sullivan, you are simply oozing optimism and hope," Lex said.

"Well, if that's the case, congratulate me again," Chloe said, "'Cause my story on Chrissy Parker just made the front page on the Ledger."

"Congratulations, Chloe," Xing said, "First the Ledger, then the Planet."

"I hope so," Chloe sighed dreamily, as if she were talking about an idol, "It's been my dream since I was a kid to work there. Printing articles, spreading the truth—"

"Stalking people?"

"I'm not _that_ bad!"

Lex leaned back while Chloe and Xing chatted like old friends. In spite of Desiree, rumors, and the Luthor name, Xing had made some good friends in town.

That was on main difference between them. Lex could be charming and sociable if he had to, and he was always polite, but he never saw the point of forming friendships with people he was certain would stab him in the back given enough incentive.

Xing got on with people. He always tried to be friendly with everyone and never turned down a friend in need. That wasn't to say that he accepted every jerk that so much as acted nice to him, there were quite a few boys and girls who called him a whore or other such derogative terms who were politely told to go to hell when they tried to gain his friendship.

Lex checked his email while his wife solidified their alliance with the promising reporter. His lips twitched, the closest he came to a smile in public, as he read the coded message from Mrs. Norman. Ryan was doing better, his tumor was almost gone. Finally some good news.

Lex's inner survivor whooped with joy at the knowledge that if his mutation had cancerous side-effects like he'd always feared, he could always use a combination of modern Western medicine, Amazon chi/shiatsu healing, and Kryptonian technology.

!

_**Dear Sister Xian Pu,**_

_**How are you? It's been so long since the village tournament. Bad sister, it's been months and you haven't sent us even a postcard! One would think that you didn't love us anymore and fell in love with hunting that flame-haired warrior. Even Granny **__**Hé**__**Dié**__** has sent me some tea leaves. It turned out to be a good thing. You got lucky, at least in Japan you're drinking something resembling tea instead of paper water. No, I am not joking or exaggerating or speaking metaphorically. Hmm, maybe the old hag was onto something. Makes sense, since she did find me in this town. Although, it's more of a village than a town, really. There's not much of a difference between here and home, since it's pretty rural. The only difference is that there are no real warriors and the civilians pretend that there aren't crazy fighters with great powers living among them. You could make a spectacle out of it. Smallville: Land of the Human Ostriches and Discrimination. When they can't pretend otherwise, everyone points fingers at the gifted. Another difference. And people complain all the time, especially against Airen for being a Luthor. If this were home, the first idiot that opened her mouth would be punished. Really, they have it easy here. **_

_**Anyway, I've ranted long enough. It's hard since I can't do it in front of Airen. He would take drastic measures against whoever has wounded me or my honor, even if I am mad on his behalf. He's that kind of person. You don't have to worry about me. Even if it was accidental on both our parts, I don't think I could have found a better man if I tried. I have grown very fond of him. He, too, is fond of me. He never says anything in common language. He has his own, to understand it is to understand him. And I have become very fluent in this language. The best thing about this marriage is that we've become friends, best friends. I hope, when it's your turn, you'll marry someone who will be your best friend and confidante as I have. **_

_**If you try to visit don't go to the mansion. Father-in-law is an idiot. He kicked Airen out of the mansion and the factory in order to replace him with his illegitimate son, Lucas. I don't know what that man is thinking but he just replaced a smart, capable businessman with a teenager who can barely pay his own taxes. Airen bet me brother-in-law will bankrupt the factory in a month. I give it a week. So we're living with mama Norman and Ryan at the moment. Ryan's tumor is finally gone. He's going to be alright! He can't read minds anymore but he'll live. He's happier not hearing the voices anyway, so all's well that ends well. Airen has decided to finish his Master's in Biochemistry now that he has free time. It's only a matter of completing his thesis. I think he's doing it so he can have his own lab at Cadmus and because he hates leaving things incomplete. It's also a chance to finally get LexCorp on its feet without father-in-law trying to sabotage Airen. The Lucas fiasco is more of a blessing in disguise, since Airen has been dying to return to his beloved Metropolis… Alright, I'll admit it, I like it too. A lot. No wonder there's a lot of broo-ha-ha over living in cities. Anyway, I finished the dreaded SATs, four APs, and I even took the stupid TOEFL exam, which was a waste of time since the other tests are in English and that should prove that I already master the language. I'm thinking of applying to MetU. This way I can stay with Airen and live in Metropolis. Don't give me that look! Airen does need an educated wife. Besides, it might be fun help in the business in other ways… Lex has rather sold me on the idea after he played with me in the labs… Not that way! Ugh, he won't touch me until I'm eighteen. I can't wait that long, I just can't. Lex has too much self-control. He even resisted the naked apron trick. What should I do? You have to help me big sister! I don't think either of us can stand the abstinence. I want to make love to my husband already. Any suggestions would be great… minus anything to do with love or lust potions, Lex has a slight aversion to any mind controlling devices or techniques thanks to the Obstacle. **_

_**By the way, I'm sending a homing device so if you want to come for a vacation without the troublesome trip, just press the button and Alicia will come get you. She's blonde with big eyes, so you don't get shocked. I know how feel about teleportation, but Alicia's is not that bad. No nausea or queasy stomach. It can even be handy if that Japanese girl is giving you problems. Um, keep in mind that Alicia's a very nice girl, she's just something of a sociopath. Learning the art of Wu Shu and Tai Chi have calmed her some, but she is hotheaded by nature. More so than you one might say.**_

_**I love you!  
**_

_**Your little brother,**_

_**Xing**_

!

As Lex predicted, Lucas lost his fair share of company money and the factory was in danger of closing down. Lionel promptly kicked him out after that and ordered Lex back.

Lex's middle finger made his feelings on that subject clear.

LexCorp was not a Corporate Giant like LuthorCorp, but Lucas had taken enough time in the bankruptcy to let big brother establish his company as a scientific phenomenon.

Lex was never so happy as the day Xing opened the Kawatche caves and gave him Kryptonian tech samples. Even if father-in-law hated his guts, mother-in-law did everything possible to make Lex a success. After all, someone had to provide Xing with the life of luxury he deserved.

No one is daring enough to contradict a doting Lara-Lor-Van. He'd been pressured to accepting, really.

The diamonds Xing crushed also made a nice extra income, for emergencies now that Lex had used up his mother's trust fund to create his baby.

He took back any bad comments he ever made about marriage. Especially marriages with beautiful, talented, and very generous aliens.

Lex was humming, in his head that is, as he left the office. Good thing Xing had caught Jeff Palmer before the boy could use the Kryptonite green rose concoction. It did have psychotic side-effects, but nothing physical as experiments on dear Mr. Nixon had proven. Idiot should have known better than to attempt to blackmail Lex.

Xi Fan Go was a beautiful technique. Lex was going to sanctify the genius who invented it.

Bruce had paid a hefty price for the formula and the under-suit that would protect the human body from any mental damage. Looks like the Bat will have yet another advantage against the Gotham thugs. Or maybe he'll just use it to sneak up on people, that was more like Wayne.

Monetary aid from Wayne Enterprises is nothing to scoff at. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could bring Lex doing from his high.

His purple Ferrari was missing.

!

Dark blonde hair stubbornly tried to liberate itself from the constricting bun, wind whipping a handsome face as she accelerated the Ferrari past the misnamed Prairie Mews. The narrow alley the length of fifteen blocks would have dented the beautiful piece of machinery had it not been for the driver's skill. It was a border to Suicide Slums and Chinatown, obscured thanks to shadows, aerial clotheslines, and a lack of windows from the buildings on either side of the alley. Once out of the alley, she would then speed through traffic and leave the city. She estimated that she had enough gas to make it half way to California without making a pit stop, but the dealer in Star City would cover the expense.

Mercy let a smirk grace her lips before a very impeccably-dressed, very bald, very stoic man appeared at the end of the alley with a gun trained at her and car.

"Stop the car or I will shoot," he said very matter-of-factly, ten-times scarier than when the lily-livered cops tried that line with unsure hands on the trigger.

"You shoot and the car will run you over! Out of the way!" Mercy didn't break the accelerator.

"I'm sorry baby," Lex whispered. He shot two rounds at the wheels and threw a small bag a few feet in front of him, drew a match, and threw the tiny flame at the bag while ducking out of the way.

BOOM!

Mercy instinctively pushed the breaks and jumped out of the car. She rolled with the fall and came out in a crouched fighting stance with her back to the wall. The Ferrari flipped and ended up on its back, the roof shattered and the wheels spinning and .

"The fuck?" she swore, her meal ticket useless.

"I'm sorry," Lex said.

"Sorry? You think sorry is going to cut it?" Mercy growled, "If sorry were enough, then what's the point of Hell?"

"Yes, she's right," Lex caressed the car, "No matter how many times I prostate myself or how many times I take you to Hans or even if was to save you from the thief, sorry will never atone for the damage I've caused you."

"Say what— Hey! What about me? I could have died you know!"

"Yes, nice evacuation by the way," Lex said, "Let this be a lesson: Luthors didn't become the cream of the crop because we let ourselves be robbed."

Mercy tightened her stance, her hand on her hidden knife and she calculated how much speed she would need to disarm Lex before he aimed and had his finger on the trigger.

"That being said, you wouldn't be interested in a job would you?"

What?

"What?" Mercy sputtered, completely caught off guard.

"Not anyone can steal from me. And yet you've managed to almost make it out of Metropolis undetected," Lex said, "It'd be a waste to let such talent rot in prison—"

"Juvie."

"Pardon?"

"I'd end up in Juvie. I'm only seventeen," Mercy said. She kept her eyes trained to his, electric challenge connecting them.

Lex smirked. Well, Xing did need more non-Amazonian strong female friends.

"Do you accept?"

"What'll I do and how much?" Mercy asked.

"My current security is a joke and I need a competent bodyguard who can fight and who knows all of the tricks of the trade, how to anticipate them, and how to neutralize them."

Xing is highly competent but too honorable to think like a criminal. Lex knew he would learn with time, but it didn't hurt to have an extra pair of eyes that are indebted to him.

Mercy nodded. That made sense, but what about the money?

"Since you're currently a ball of sharp reflexes and instincts without any formal training, we'll start small… say five thousand plus free lessons."

"A month?" Mercy sneered. Sure, it's better than anything legal she'd be offered what with the economy being what it is and her dropping out of high school while her juvenile delinquent record thickened by the minute, but coming from Luthor Junior it was an insult. She knew that even inexperienced bodyguards made close to thirty–eight thousand a month.

No thanks. She'll stick to the black market.

"No," Lex said, "Two thousand dollars every two weeks. That makes it ten thousand every month. The price will get higher once you're mastered at least three different martial arts styles and the use of several weapons, long and close ranged alike. Likewise, the more you prove yourself to be loyal and disciplined, the higher the numbers. Sound fair?"

!

"I'm very sorry to bother you, Xing," Gabe Sullivan said, following after Chloe into the modest, by Luthor standards that is, fours bedroom apartment with a dojo underneath in Metropolis.

"Nonsense," Xing said while pouring his guests some white tea made with fresh leaves. Alicia was sitting there awkwardly in her sweaty gi while Ryan tried to read Chloe as though he still had his old powers. Chloe was likewise staring at the Smallville runaway as though she never saw a creature quite like her.

Eliza Norman was beyond good and evil at her age. She was the most relaxed of them all.

"Listen to Xing, boy," Eliza said, "Lucas Luthor did leave you in a right state and the Idiot didn't even bother to clean up after his own son."

"Airen should be back soon," Xing said, "I'm sure he'll be needing a General Manager for some new portions of the company."

"He will?" Chloe asked. She could live in Metropolis again?

If this was a dream, she was killing Morpheus for the cruelty.

"Of course!" Xing smiled as if it was a given. "The only question is, are you prepared to go against father-in-law by joining Airen's company."

"He's still upset about that? What a baby," Eliza said.

Chloe began to shift uncomfortably at the mention of the Luthor Patriarch. Alicia narrowed her eyes, Ryan got very uncomfortable and Xing's grip on his teacup was too tight.

"So, just so you know girl, whatever offer Papa Luthor made you, it's not going to be worth it," Eliza said, "He wants you to spy on Lex and Xing, doesn't he? All because the boy wants to be independent. I've seen empty nest syndromes but that man has a way of overreacting that reaches titanic levels."

Gabe gaped. Chloe turned an undead shade of pale. Alicia growled. Ryan remembered the mountain of homework he had for this month and set out to complete it by dinner time.

"He promised you a slot in the Planet?" Xing patted her hand.

"Y-yeah."

"Won't do you much good. There's only so far that money can speak when the Chief Editor hates your patron's guts for sleeping with his wife and maybe being his son's actual father," Eliza said, "Once you lose his protection, and you will irregardless if you succeed or fail as once he has what he wants he will have no more use of you, you can bet your ass Perry White will fire you faster than you can say fuck."

"Chloe you—"

"Xing, I didn't—"

"You little bitch—"

Xing raised a hand and forced Alicia to sit down. "Chloe, you know how I feel about invasions to my privacy. Especially ones that'll hurt my beloved."

Chloe flinched.

"You didn't give Lionel an answer did you?" Eliza asked.

"'o," Chloe mumbled, wising the ground would swallow her.

"Tell him where to stick it and make it up to Xing and Lex," Eliza said, "And for gods' sake, girl, control your face. A reporter without a poker face is like a soldier without a gun."

"And you Xing, let her atone. If you want her in your life, you'll have to forgive her cutthroat ambition just like she forgives your silence. Loving someone is accepting the good and bad. Chloe will hurt again, Lex will hurt you, I will hurt you, and I'm sure there are folks back home who have hurt you and will continue to do so again and again. It's up to you to decide if the hurt is worth taking someone back to the fold, but the same goes for when you hurt someone. Tomorrow Lex could also do something for the sake of his own ambition that'll hurt you. Are you going to let him go because of that?"

Xing remained quiet for a spell. He shook his head, "No, you're right grandmother."

Eliza bopped his head, "The 'g' word, Xing."

"Right, sorry mum!"

Xing sighed, "I'm not saying I forgive you but… I do understand why you would consider the offer."

"Xing—"

"Once you've moved here, you'll have plenty of chances to make it up to me," Xing smiled, "I will milk it for all it's worth, bet on it."

"You're too nice , big sis," Alicia said, "I'm keeping my eye on you, Sullivan."

Chloe's response died when the door opened and Lex returned home… with a girl in tow?

"Airen?" Xing's smile was fatally sweet, "Who is this?"

"This is Mercy Graves, my new bodyguard. Mercy, this is my powerful wife Xing."

Wife, Xing melted on the inside and missed the rest of the introductions, he'd called him his wife, and powerful at that.

"A knew one? Why would you need one when you've got Xing?" Alicia demanded.

That was a good question. Xing frowned.

"Xing is my spouse, not my slave, that's why," Lex said. "I'm not asking Xing to put her life on hold for me and I still need to watch my back, this is the perfect solution."

"You said someone was going to teach me the ropes. Who is it?" Mercy asserted herself.

"Me."

Mercy looked at the wife in shock. Sure, she looked tough but this was not what she expected of the elusive Luthor bride.

Well, the husband is something of a nutcase, so it only goes to show.

"Want to go to the dojo or would you prefer to settle in fist?"

Gabe coughed politely, "Um, Lex, I'm sorry to intrude but—"

"I need someone to manage the robotics factory on 189th street. Would it be too troublesome for you to move within these next two weeks?"

"Dojo," Mercy said.

Yeah, Lex Luthor is a nutcase. But if he was generous enough to fork over employment, you weren't going to see her turn up her nose on his eccentricities.

"I'm going too," Alicia said. Her swagger set Mercy's teeth on edge. "If you're going to protect big sis' honey, might as well see if you're up to the task."

"And you are?"

"Alicia Hope Baker," Alicia's smile was all teeth.

Xing slammed both of their heads together, "No fighting until we get to the dojo. The last thing we need is to pay for property damage."

The girls glared at each other.

"If you don't behave, you'll share a bedroom," Xing said.

Chloe tugged at Eliza's bell sleeves, "Can I live here? This is better than high school drama."

!

The two girls stood five feet apart, each certain in her victory over the cocky cunt in front of her. Upon first glance, Mercy looked like a pretty boy with her bound breasts, baggy clothes, and messy nap-length hair. Alicia was bouncing on the balls of her feet, her pigtails following their own rhythm and the bandages on her wrists and ankles damp with sweat.

"Fight!" Xing brought down his arm.

Mercy leapt at Alicia with a right hook kick, Alicia grabbed it ad pulled but was left wide open for Mercy's straight jab. Mercy pressed her advantage and swept Alicia's feet from under her and slammed her elbow to her face.

Alicia rolled away but Mercy stomped on her stomach. Mercy jumped, elbow poised to land on Alicia's solar plexus with gravity's help. Alicia teleported. Mercy blinked and paid the price for losing sight of her opponent. Alicia turn side-kicked her, the spin's momentum knocking the wind out of her opponent, and smashed her temple with a knife-hand strike.

"No teleporting!" Xing cried.

Alicia instinctively stopped at the reprimand. Mercy smashed her palm at Alicia's nose and followed the move with a roundhouse kick. Alicia didn't take the hits well and fell.

Mercy kept her foot out, changed the angle, and let gravity do the rest of the work. Alicia choked at the blow.

Mercy pulled her up to her feet, not letting the golden blonde put any distance between them, and put her in a chokehold. Alicia struggled for freedom. Sharp metal near her jugular changed her mind.

"Pull that teleporting shit again, I dare you," Mercy said.

The knife flew from Mercy's hand without hurting Alicia. It was imbedded on the far wall, vibrating from the force of the throw.

"No weapons in unarmed sparring," Xing said. He smiled, "But since Alicia cheated first by using her power first, I'll let it slide this one time."

Mercy kept a hold on Alicia, needing a hostage in the face of this too friendly predator. There was something about Xing Luthor that told her to watch it.

"Fight me," Mercy said. "If you're going to teach me, prove to me you're worthy of my attention."

Xing smiled, "Alright."

!

"Mercy," Chloe murmured over Ryan's history homework. Tutoring him was a sight less awkward than sitting in the same room as her father and Lex after Mum Eliza fished her out.

Xing didn't allow anyone that wasn't a student or a martial artist enter the dojo. Something about battle casualties and self-responsibility. Of course, that only made Chloe want to check it out even more. Xing did say she had the ideal body type for Wing Chu.

"What kind of parents would name a boy Mercy?" she asked herself.

"Someone who wanted payback for eight hours of labor?" Ryan suggested. He didn't want to know, he was happy not knowing, and he slept better not knowing. End of discussion.

"Open your eyes and clean out your ears, girl," Eliza said from where Ryan was massaging her shoulders. It was good to be the Dowager. "If Mercy's a boy, I'm a man who gave birth."

"Oh," Chloe flushed, "Oh!"

Looks like Tina and Lana are no longer the only lesbians of Smallville… If could call Lana a lesbian since Tina pretty much tricked her into going out with her and killed off the competition.

At least Mercy didn't seem any more psychotic than the average meteor mutant.

Good. Chloe's standards were getting higher the longer she stayed away from Smallville.

!

No matter what she did, Mercy couldn't land a single blow on the mountain incarnate. Xing sidestepped, slapped away punches and kicks, and even threw Mercy across the room with a light turn of the wrist.

"Take me seriously. Fight back!"

Mercy charged at him. When she got too close, instead of tossing her, Xing slammed an uppercut punch to her midsection and kicked her to the wall. Her back slammed the immovable object, teeth rattling and vision darkening.

I lost? She was in shock. That easy?

What did Lex need her for?

"Aiya! Are you ok? I'm so sorry, I forgot myself for a moment and you reminded me so much of my older sister that I put too much force and almost forgot to hold back."

Mercy didn't listen to the rest of Xing's rambles. Only one thing bounced around her brain. Held back? All that power and _he_ held back?

"Xing-sifu," Mercy bowed, "Please, teach me how to become that strong."

"Hey," Alicia bellowed, "I was here first, jerk!"

"Yeah, and we can all see how much you've benefited from training."

"Why you—"

"I'll ask you the same thing I asked Alicia," Xing said, "Will you be loyal Lex and myself?"

Mercy blinked, then smiled. The quirk of her lips changed her face from simply handsome to stunning, "He gave me a job when he should be locking me up himself. That's reason enough for me."

Xing smiled, "Welcome."

"Now," Xing continued. "You're first mission is…"

Alicia and Mercy leaned in expectation.

"Help me seduce Airen into making sweet love to me!"

Alicia and Mercy facevaulted.

!

Lex turned off the water and stepped out of the steamed bathroom with only a towel around his waist.

As much as he tried to resist Xing's aggressive seductions, he'd nonetheless grown comfortable in his presence that he no longer bundled himself up like a virgin protecting her virtue. Some part of him had already waved the white flag.

It was a peaceful night. Mercy and Alicia had reached some sort of truce and slept in their separate bedrooms while Eliza and Ryan kept their shared quarters. Most important of all, he got Gabe back as a manager and Chloe Sullivan in his debt. Life was beautiful.

"Lex."

Lex's minuscule conscience fought against the very lustful impulses of his ID. He lifted his head and conceded defeat at the luscious sight.

Xing flushed so prettily on his bed, his leather miniskirt did nothing to hide his mile-high legs and v-necked satin green shirt gave the illusion of breasts. The muscles didn't detract from his beauty but rather enhanced it, made it exquisite and unique.

"Lex," Xing said. Fingers teased his chest, "You know, if you massaged me more often, I'd have more of a chest."

Was that true for Kryptonians? Who cared?

"Am I not attractive?" he spread his legs to crawl forward and flashed a quick view of lacy panties to his husband.

He's sixteen, but still too young, too young, too young—

"Beloved?" Xing bit his plump lips, green eyes adoring and trusting.

SNAP.

Grandmaster Happosai felt a powerful surge of lust chi all the way from Japan. He perked up. Who was this sexual deviant who could power factories by the strength of his perversion alone? Happosai had found the ultimate successor!

Lex ripped Xing's panties off with his teeth and flipped him on his back. His naked wife wrapped his legs around his waist and ordered him to thoroughly make love already.

Now he could officially say that life is beautiful.

!

Kon watched apprehensively as eighteen-year-old Xing went toe to toe with the Phoenix contracted Lady Shiva. Although some part of him was glad that he could boast that his future other self's mom (?) could beat up Cass' mom, there was something a bit too bizarre seeing superman in female Chinese Amazon garb.

Saotome Ranma, a non-superhero but still terrifying as part of the nutso Nerima Wrecking Crew, gave no quarter while destroying anything that got in his way of defeating Saffron. Xian Pu happily stomped Kima to unconsciousness while Mercy and the newly dubbed Hope slaughtered the remaining Phoenixes with the help of the Amazons.

Kon was much more worried about all the wires that were connected to the device in his dad's hand. "Are you _sure_ I can't interfere?" he asked, "I mean, this isn't my past, it's all different anyway, so it's not like it'll make a difference, right?"

"You'll become a part of the universe and won't be able to return home," Jor-El from Xing's world said.

Kon's grandpa gave his other self a suspicious questioning look but didn't say a word. Kon was too busy watching his dad, "He's going to blow up the mountain!"

"Thank Rao!" Xing's ymu said, "Those blasted birds have been nothing but trouble."

"Alright," Xing's opu said, "Perhaps he isn't such a bad son-in-law."

"Now aren't you glad you let Kalin make his own choices?"

"Don't get ahead of yourself Lara," Kon's grandpa said, "Your Kalin got lucky, ours has made mistake after mistake after mistake."

"He's overworking himself constantly," Kon's scariest grandma said. "And he pines away for his Lex." She sighed, "Smashing your darling's buildings is all well and good when you're a child, but that only causes misunderstandings as adults."

"This really explains a lot," Kon said.

He didn't flinch at the KABOOM that took down the entire mountain. Nothing his dad did surprised him anymore. No wonder he wasn't rebellious anymore. It's impossible to out-rebel Lex.

"Be careful with my baby!" the two Jor-Els cried, "He's pregnant and fragile, you degenerate!"

"I told you," Lara growled, "I told you to give them the fetus-announcer, but did you listen?"

Even with the destruction and the rubble and the violence, Kon smiled when Xing flew to Lex and they kissed. Xing glomped him and glared bloody murder at any idiot that looked twice at his husband. Clark had never held anyone like that, not even Lois Lane. The closest he ever came to this proprietary love was when he fought Lex, marking him as much as he opposed him.

"Kon-El," his grandma said, "The portal is fixed, it's time to go."

Kon smirked, "Grandma, are there any alien laws that can make the dads marry?"


End file.
